Improving Communication
Understanding and Empathy Through Observation
How often do we grow frustrated because others just don’t seem to understand us?
We do our best to explain ourselves, but the response we get often feels so far off from what we intended. I’ve recently experienced this firsthand while training my puppy. Not only does he not know English, he often misreads what we want because of our own signals—maybe we’re moving a certain way or rewarding the wrong behavior. When we feel misunderstood or can’t get our point across, what are our options? Can others truly grasp our meaning, or are we stuck playing a never-ending game of trial and error?
While true understanding is rare, I believe that knowing ourselves can help us bridge that gap. Think about how you feel when you’re hungry, desperate to use the bathroom, or so tired you need a nap. You’re not at your best in those moments—you’re frustrated and just want relief. Or consider how great it feels when you finally solve a stubborn problem. Recognizing these emotional states in ourselves makes it easier to imagine what someone else might be feeling, too.
If we take our own self-awareness and apply it to others (or even to our pets), we gain a better chance—however slim—of understanding them. With that small insight, we can do amazing things. The golden rule really is onto something: treat others how you’d like to be treated, and you stand the best, and perhaps the only, chance of truly communicating with them.
I saw this principle in action with my puppy and a toy rope. At first, he showed no interest because we kept pushing it at him, leaving it in his playpen, and trying to force him to chew it. He found it completely dull. It wasn’t until I realized he’s mostly interested in off-limits items—shoes, clothes, hands, and feet—that I knew what to do. By acting like I didn’t want him to have the rope, I made it suddenly irresistible. This shift in perspective came from observing his behavior and relating it to my own tendencies. After all, I’m drawn to things I think I shouldn’t have—like ordering a pricey appetizer at a fancy restaurant. The mere idea that I “shouldn’t” have it makes me want it even more.
So, if you’re struggling to communicate, try putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. What might they be feeling, thinking, or needing? Imagining their perspective may not guarantee perfect understanding, but it’s the closest we can get to genuine connection.
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